21 Illinois Dinner Table Rules From The 1960s That Would Shock Today’s Families
Before the age of fast food and family dinners that resembled chaotic feeding frenzies, there existed an unspoken contract at the Illinois dinner table.
A contract, however, that would leave today’s families utterly aghast. Picture this: no talking with your mouth full (a given, perhaps?), but also… no asking for seconds until everyone else had finished? No discussing the news outside the family?
And heavens to Betsy, no complaining about the peas! These weren’t just quaint customs, they were the law of the land, and breaking them meant facing the stern disapproval of an entire generation.
1. Men Ate First, Always
The family patriarch and male guests received their plates before anyone else could start eating. This hierarchy wasn’t just a preference – it was an expected ritual that reinforced men’s position as household heads.
Women and children waited patiently, sometimes watching as men took their first bites before servers (usually female family members) could distribute the remaining portions. My grandfather would tap his glass with a spoon when he was ready, signaling that service could begin.
Modern families would find this practice outdated and sexist, as contemporary meals typically serve everyone simultaneously regardless of gender or age.
2. Mother Cleared The Table Solo
Once dinner concluded, Mom rose silently to collect dirty dishes while everyone else relaxed. This wasn’t considered unfair – it was simply her domain and expected duty.
Children might occasionally help, but men typically retreated to the living room for newspapers or television. The kitchen cleanup symphony of running water and clinking dishes became the background soundtrack to post-dinner family life.
Today’s households generally embrace shared responsibility, with family members pitching in regardless of gender. The idea of one person handling all cleanup duties while others relax would strike modern families as inherently unbalanced.
3. Elbows Off The Table – No Exceptions
Placing elbows on the dinner table ranked among the cardinal sins of 1960s etiquette. Sharp-eyed aunts and grandmothers monitored this transgression with hawk-like vigilance.
Children caught committing this offense received immediate correction, often with a tap on the offending elbow or a stern glance. I still remember Aunt Mildred’s infamous wooden ruler that occasionally appeared at Sunday dinners, ready to tap any protruding elbows.
While modern families might still teach this rule in principle, the militant enforcement has largely disappeared. Contemporary parents typically view proper posture as important but rarely make it a battleground issue at mealtimes.
4. Clean Plate Club Membership Required
Leaving food on your plate wasn’t just impolite – it was practically immoral. Parents reminded children about starving kids overseas while insisting every morsel be consumed.
This rule stemmed from Depression-era scarcity and post-war frugality when food waste represented genuine financial strain. Portions were served with the expectation they would disappear entirely.
Modern nutritionists and parents now recognize forcing children to overeat can establish unhealthy relationships with food. Today’s families more often encourage listening to hunger cues rather than obligatory plate-cleaning, understanding that portion control matters more than perfect consumption.
5. Silent Chewing Only, Please
Speaking with food in your mouth earned immediate reprimands in 1960s Illinois households. Parents considered this rule non-negotiable, representing basic human decency.
Dinner conversation required careful timing between bites, with children learning to swallow completely before contributing. Grandma Miller from Springfield had a favorite saying: “Close your mouth when you chew, or the flies might mistake it for their new home.”
While modern families generally maintain this standard, enforcement has softened considerably. Contemporary parents typically offer gentle reminders rather than the mortifying public corrections that characterized the 1960s approach to table manners.
6. Formal Dismissal Required
Children couldn’t simply finish eating and leave. The formal phrase “May I please be excused?” represented the only acceptable exit ticket from the dinner table.
Parents evaluated several factors before granting permission: whether the child had finished eating, if adults were still dining, and whether family announcements might be forthcoming. Leaving without permission constituted a serious breach of family protocol.
Today’s more casual family dynamics typically allow members to excuse themselves when finished, particularly in households juggling multiple activities and schedules. The formal dismissal ritual seems unnecessarily rigid to contemporary families who value flexibility over formality.
7. Dessert Held Hostage By Dinner
Sweet treats remained locked away until everyone finished their main course entirely. This rule transformed dessert from enjoyment into behavioral leverage.
Families used dessert as motivation, creating a collective responsibility system where faster eaters pressured slower ones to finish. One particularly slow eater could hold an entire table’s dessert hostage, creating a unique form of peer pressure.
Modern approaches to nutrition often separate dessert decisions from main course consumption. Today’s parents might limit sweets for health reasons rather than using them as rewards, recognizing that associating dessert with “good eating” can create problematic food relationships.
8. Children Speak When Spoken To
Dinner conversations belonged primarily to adults, with children expected to listen quietly unless directly addressed. Interrupting adult discussions was considered deeply disrespectful regardless of the topic’s importance.
This hierarchical communication structure reinforced generational boundaries. My father grew up in Peoria during this era and recalls spending entire Sunday dinners in complete silence while his parents entertained guests.
Contemporary family meals typically encourage children’s participation, valuing their perspectives and using mealtime for family bonding. Modern parents often intentionally engage children in conversations to develop communication skills and strengthen relationships – a stark contrast to the “seen but not heard” approach.
9. Guests Never Cleared Their Plates
Visitors attempting to help with cleanup received polite but firm redirection to remain seated. Offering assistance was expected as a courtesy, but accepting a guest’s help reflected poorly on the host’s hospitality.
Rule created an elaborate social dance where guests made token offers and hosts issued obligatory refusals. The ritual reinforced distinct roles between hosts and visitors.
Modern hosting practices embrace practical assistance and collaborative cleanup as signs of appreciation rather than etiquette violations. Today’s dinner parties often involve guests naturally helping in the kitchen, creating informal bonding opportunities that would have scandalized 1960s hosts.
10. Post-Meal Moral Lectures Allowed
After dinner concluded, fathers gained an unspoken license to deliver sermons on behavior, work ethic, or current events. These monologues often stretched for uncomfortable periods while family members sat in obligatory attention.
Dinnertime created a captive audience for patriarchal wisdom-sharing. Children learned to recognize the telltale signs of an impending lecture: the clearing of throat, the leaning back in chair, the folding of hands.
I remember my grandfather in Champaign starting his famous “back in my day” speeches that could extend dinner by thirty minutes. Today’s families typically prefer conversational exchanges over one-sided lectures, finding mutual dialogue more effective for sharing values than prolonged speeches.
11. Women Wore Dresses At Dinner
Proper dinner attire for females meant dresses or skirts – pants were considered inappropriately casual for family meals. Dress code applied regardless of comfort or practicality.
Mothers often changed clothes before dinner preparation despite the impracticality of cooking in formal wear. The ritual signaled the meal’s importance as a special daily occasion requiring proper presentation.
Modern families prioritize comfort and practicality over formal dress codes, making the idea of changing into specific dinner clothes seem unnecessarily fussy. Today’s dinner tables welcome participants in everything from business attire to athletic wear, focusing on presence rather than presentation.
12. Second Helpings Required Permission
Taking additional food without explicit authorization from the family patriarch violated proper table protocol. The head of household controlled portion distribution, requiring verbal requests for seconds.
System maintained hierarchy while ensuring fair food distribution among family members. Children quickly learned the appropriate timing and phrasing for requesting more food without appearing greedy.
My mother recalls her father in Springfield maintaining strict control over the serving dishes, particularly for special meals. Modern families typically adopt a more casual “help yourself” approach to additional servings, allowing individuals to determine their own portions based on hunger rather than authority.
13. No Slurping Or Noisy Eating
Sound effects during meals faced zero tolerance in 1960s Illinois households. Children learned to consume soup, drinks, and challenging foods with ninja-like silence.
Noisy eating wasn’t just impolite – it reflected poorly on parental training and family status. Grandparents often commented on children’s eating sounds as indicators of proper upbringing.
While modern families generally maintain this standard, cultural understanding has broadened. Contemporary parents recognize some cultural traditions actually celebrate audible appreciation of food, and certain dishes practically require some noise.
14. Children Remained Seated Until Released
Young family members stayed at the table until every guest departed, regardless of how long adults lingered over coffee. This rule applied even after being formally excused from eating.
Children developed remarkable patience through this practice, sitting quietly for extended periods while adults conversed. The requirement served as both respect training and a practical way to keep children under supervision.
Today’s families typically allow more freedom of movement once eating concludes. Modern parents might expect children to remain present during the meal but permit them to pursue other activities afterward, recognizing children’s limited attention spans and energy levels.
15. Political Discussions Strictly Forbidden
The dinner table maintained neutrality as a politics-free zone where controversial topics remained unwelcome. This unwritten rule prevented heated debates from disrupting family harmony.
Conversations steered toward safe subjects like weather, local events, and children’s activities. The deliberate avoidance of politics stemmed from an era when family unity trumped individual expression.
I remember my aunt in Rockford swiftly changing subjects whenever my uncles veered toward political territory, saying “Not at my table, gentlemen.” Modern families often embrace political discussions as educational opportunities, sometimes specifically using dinner conversations to explore different viewpoints.
16. Good China Reserved For Special Occasions
Everyday meals featured practical dishware while fine china remained locked in hutches except for Sundays and holidays. These special dishes represented family heritage and status, too precious for regular use.
The ritual of retrieving and carefully washing these treasures signaled the importance of upcoming gatherings. Children understood that meals served on the “good dishes” required extra-careful behavior.
Modern families increasingly embrace an “use the good stuff” philosophy, recognizing that saving special items for theoretical future occasions often means they’re rarely enjoyed. Contemporary households more frequently integrate heirloom pieces into regular rotation rather than reserving them exclusively for rare special events.
17. Synchronized Eating Start Times
Nobody lifted a fork until everyone received their food and the host signaled permission to begin. This coordination demonstrated respect and prevented some diners from finishing while others hadn’t started.
The momentary pause before eating allowed for grace or simply acknowledgment of the meal preparer’s efforts. Impatient eaters who jumped the gun received swift correction.
While waiting for everyone to be served remains common courtesy, modern families typically adopt a more flexible “eat while it’s hot” approach, especially with varied schedules and microwave reheating options. Today’s meals often accommodate latecomers rather than requiring perfect synchronization.
18. Mandatory Please And Thank You Chorus
Children recited please and thank you with theater-worthy projection, ensuring everyone within earshot registered their politeness. Mumbled gratitude didn’t count and often required repetition.
Parents judged other families by their children’s thank-you enthusiasm. The volume and promptness of these expressions reflected directly on parental effectiveness.
While modern families still value expressing gratitude, they typically focus more on sincerity than performance. Contemporary parents might encourage consistent politeness but rarely require the exaggerated, public demonstrations of thankfulness that characterized 1960s dinner tables, where children essentially performed gratitude for adult approval.
19. Television Banished During Meals
Families gathered at dinner tables far from television screens, which remained firmly switched off during mealtimes. Conversation constituted the only acceptable dinner entertainment.
Rule preserved mealtime as sacred family communication space. Parents viewed dinner as their primary opportunity to monitor children’s lives and impart values.
Growing up near Chicago, my neighbor Mrs. Patterson famously unplugged their television entirely during dinner hours to remove temptation. Ironically, while modern families struggle with smartphone distractions during meals, many now intentionally implement “device-free dinner” policies that echo these 1960s television restrictions.
20. Guests Follow House Rules Without Question
Visitors to Illinois homes adapted immediately to host family customs, regardless how different from their own. Questioning or violating household dinner norms constituted a serious social breach.
Children visiting friends’ homes received advance briefings on behavior expectations. Parents often called ahead to inquire about household rules to prepare their children properly.
This strict conformity reinforced community standards while acknowledging each family’s authority within their domain. Households generally adopt more flexible approaches to accommodating guests, recognizing cultural and family differences while making reasonable accommodations for diverse preferences and dietary needs.
21. Children Served Different Meals
Young family members often received simplified versions of adult meals or entirely different food altogether. Children’s palates weren’t considered developed enough for sophisticated flavors or textures.
Separate menu system created distinct adult and child dining experiences at the same table. Kids might eat plain hamburger while adults enjoyed meatloaf, or receive buttered noodles while parents had pasta with complex sauce.
My mother recalls her childhood in Springfield where kids ate at 5:30 with plain food while adults dined at 7:00 with “grown-up food.” Modern families typically encourage children to eat the same meals as adults, perhaps with minor modifications, recognizing that early exposure to diverse foods develops broader palates.