These California Dinner Table Rules From The 1960s Would Shock Today’s Kids
My mom, bless her heart, always said dinner was sacred. In our little California ranch house back in the 60s, there were rules – and not the “eat your broccoli” kind. These were more like ancient commandments whispered over meatloaf.
I remember thinking some of them were totally unfair, especially when my little brother got to break them more often than I did. Thinking back, some of the things we had to do at the table would probably send today’s kids running for the hills (or at least their smartphones).
1. Sit Where You’re Told Without Argument
California families in the 1960s operated like well-oiled machines at dinnertime, and everyone had their designated spot. Dad sat at the head, Mom often took the other end, and kids filled in the sides according to age or parental preference.
This system maintained order and reinforced family hierarchy in every household. Parents believed assigned seating taught children about structure and respect for authority. The dinner table became a miniature society with clear roles and expectations.
Today’s families often let kids sit wherever they want, rotating spots freely. Back then, your seat was your seat, period. Challenging this arrangement would have been considered disrespectful and worthy of correction.
2. Wait For Parents To Sit Before Taking Your Seat
Standing behind your chair like a soldier at attention was standard protocol in 1960s California homes. Children and guests remained upright until the matriarch, and sometimes the patriarch, settled into their seats first.
This practice taught deference to elders and household authority figures. Parents viewed it as essential training in social graces and proper manners.
Modern families would find this incredibly formal and unnecessary for a regular Tuesday night. Kids today often race to the table and plop down immediately. The 1960s approach treated every dinner like a state occasion requiring proper protocol.
3. Napkin Goes In Your Lap Immediately
Cloth napkins weren’t optional accessories in 1960s California dining rooms. The moment the host sat down, every person at the table unfolded their napkin and placed it across their lap in one smooth motion. Tucking it into your collar like a bib was considered childish and completely unacceptable.
Parents drilled this habit into their children from an early age. The napkin served both practical and symbolic purposes, protecting clothes while demonstrating refinement.
Today’s paper napkins and casual meals have eliminated much of this formality. Many families skip napkins entirely or grab them only when needed. The automatic napkin placement of the 1960s now seems quaint and overly fussy.
4. Keep Those Elbows Off The Table Always
Elbows belonged anywhere except the dinner table in 1960s households. This rule got repeated so often it became automatic for children who grew up during that era. Hands rested politely in laps between bites, emerging only when actively cutting food or bringing fork to mouth.
I remember my grandmother tapping the table sharply whenever my elbow drifted too close to the edge. She insisted that proper posture reflected good breeding and self-discipline. Slouching or leaning on elbows suggested laziness and poor upbringing to that generation.
Current dinner tables see elbows everywhere as families lean in to chat or check phones. The strict posture requirements have relaxed considerably.
5. Chew With Your Mouth Closed And Stay Quiet
Open-mouthed chewing ranked among the worst offenses at 1960s California dinner tables. Children learned early that seeing someone’s food while they chewed was disgusting and rude. Talking with food in your mouth compounded the violation and could result in being sent from the table.
Parents enforced this rule with unwavering consistency across all social classes. They believed proper eating habits reflected on the entire family’s reputation.
Modern families still value this rule somewhat, though enforcement varies wildly. Many kids today grow up without consistent correction for talking while chewing. The 1960s approach left no room for exceptions or casual lapses in this fundamental courtesy.
6. Ask Permission Before Leaving The Table
Finishing your meal didn’t grant automatic freedom in 1960s California households. Children had to formally request permission by asking, May I be excused, before standing up from the table. Simply wandering off when you felt done was unthinkable and would bring swift correction.
This practice reinforced parental authority and taught patience to young people. Kids learned the meal ended when parents decided, not when individual appetites were satisfied. The ritual also ensured children didn’t miss important family announcements or discussions.
Today’s kids often leave the table whenever they finish eating without any formal request. Many families encourage this independence rather than requiring permission. The 1960s formality now seems controlling and outdated to modern parenting philosophies that emphasize autonomy.
7. Take One Bite Before Rejecting Food
Declaring your hatred for a dish without tasting it was considered incredibly rude in 1960s homes. Parents required children to take at least one proper bite before expressing any negative opinions. Outright refusal to try food suggested poor manners and an ungrateful attitude toward the cook’s efforts.
My parents used this rule religiously, insisting that taste buds change and new experiences matter. They viewed adventurous eating as a character trait worth cultivating. Pickiness was seen as a character flaw rather than a personal preference deserving accommodation.
Modern parents often cater to children’s food preferences and accept refusals without the mandatory taste test. Picky eating gets treated as a phase or personality trait rather than bad behavior. The 1960s expectation that kids would eat what was served seems harsh by today’s child-centered standards.
8. Clean Your Plate Completely Every Time
Waste not, want not wasn’t just a catchy phrase in 1960s California kitchens. Parents expected children to finish every morsel on their plates regardless of appetite or preference. Leaving food behind suggested ingratitude and poor character, especially when many families remembered Depression-era scarcity.
This rule taught resource conservation but also created complicated relationships with food for many people. Children learned to ignore fullness cues and eat past comfort to satisfy parental expectations.
Today’s nutritionists and parents recognize this practice can lead to overeating and unhealthy food relationships. Modern families often encourage kids to listen to their bodies and stop when full. The 1960s mandate to clean your plate now seems potentially harmful despite its well-intentioned origins.
9. Request Items Instead Of Reaching Across
Stretching your arm across the table to grab something was absolutely forbidden at 1960s dinner tables. Children learned to politely ask for items to be passed, using phrases like, Please pass the butter. Reaching over plates and people showed poor breeding and lack of self-control.
This rule maintained order and prevented accidents during meals with multiple people. Parents believed it demonstrated consideration for others and proper social awareness. The practice also slowed down the meal, creating more opportunities for conversation and family connection.
Current families often have more relaxed attitudes about reaching for nearby items. Casual dining setups make formal passing seem unnecessary and overly complicated. The 1960s insistence on never reaching now appears fussy and impractical for quick weeknight dinners.
10. Change Into Nicer Clothes For Dinner
Showing up to dinner in your play clothes was unacceptable in many 1960s California households. Families changed into cleaner or slightly dressier outfits before the evening meal, treating dinner as a special daily event. Boys might put on collared shirts while girls switched to nicer dresses.
I recall my mother insisting we wash up and change before sitting down to eat, no exceptions. She believed dressing for dinner showed respect for the meal and the family gathering. This practice separated ordinary time from the important ritual of eating together.
Modern families typically eat dinner in whatever they wore all day, from work clothes to pajamas. The idea of changing specifically for a home meal seems absurdly formal now.
11. Use The Correct Utensils For Each Course
Formal place settings in 1960s California homes featured multiple utensils that served specific purposes. Children learned which fork to use for salad versus entree, and which spoon belonged with soup or dessert. Using the wrong implement revealed poor training and social ignorance.
Parents taught these distinctions carefully because formal dinners and social occasions demanded proper knowledge. The outside-in rule guided utensil selection, with outermost pieces used first.
Today’s casual dining rarely involves multiple courses or specialized utensils at home. Most families use one fork and one knife for entire meals. The elaborate utensil choreography of 1960s formal dining now seems unnecessarily complicated and pretentious for everyday eating.
12. No Screens Or Distractions During Meals
Television sets stayed dark during 1960s family dinners in well-mannered households. Parents insisted on undivided attention during meals, treating dinner as sacred family time. Phones didn’t exist as distractions yet, but radios and TVs were firmly off-limits during eating hours.
This rule created space for conversation and genuine connection between family members. Parents used dinner time to discuss the day, address issues, and maintain family bonds. The meal became a daily checkpoint where everyone reconnected regardless of other activities.
Modern families struggle constantly with screen distractions during dinner despite knowing they harm connection. Phones, tablets, and televisions compete for attention at most tables.
13. Bread Belongs On The Bread Plate Only
Bread never touched the main dinner plate in properly set 1960s California tables. Small bread plates sat to the left of the main plate specifically for rolls, butter, and bread. Children also learned to break rolls with their hands rather than cutting them with a knife.
My grandmother would gently correct anyone who put bread on their dinner plate, explaining that each dish had its designated space. She insisted these details mattered for formal occasions and should become automatic habits.
Current casual dining rarely involves separate bread plates at home meals. Most people put bread wherever it fits or skip it entirely. The specific bread plate protocol from the 1960s now seems overly fussy and unnecessarily complicated for modern family dinners.
14. Hold Your Glass With Your Left Hand
Etiquette guides in the 1960s sometimes specified which hand should hold your beverage glass at social gatherings. The left hand held drinks, keeping the right hand free and dry for handshakes and social interactions. This detail separated those with refined manners from everyone else.
Parents who valued social climbing taught their children these subtle distinctions carefully. They believed mastering such details would help their kids succeed in business and social circles. The glass-holding rule seemed important for making proper impressions at formal events.
Today’s casual approach to dining has eliminated most of these hyper-specific rules about hand placement. People hold glasses with whichever hand feels comfortable without social consequences. The 1960s concern about proper glass-holding hand now seems absurdly nitpicky and disconnected from genuine social skills.
15. Stay Seated Until Everyone Finishes Eating
Fast eaters couldn’t escape the table in 1960s households just because they finished first. Everyone remained seated until the last person completed their meal, demonstrating patience and respect. Clearing plates or stacking dishes before everyone finished was considered incredibly rude.
This rule extended meal times considerably but reinforced the social nature of dining together. Parents believed meals were about family connection, not just consuming food efficiently. The practice taught children that group activities required accommodating everyone’s pace.
Modern families often let finished diners leave immediately, especially when schedules are tight. Many kids today wouldn’t tolerate sitting and waiting after finishing their food. The 1960s expectation of group synchronization now seems impractical for busy contemporary households with conflicting schedules and activities.
16. Never Season Food Before Tasting It
Reaching for salt or pepper before taking your first bite insulted the cook in 1960s homes. Parents taught children that seasoning before tasting presumed the food was improperly prepared. This rule protected the cook’s feelings and demonstrated trust in their culinary skills.
The practice also encouraged people to experience food as prepared before modifying flavors. Many believed that automatic seasoning reflected poor manners and lack of appreciation. Waiting to taste first showed respect and mindfulness rather than thoughtless habit.
Current diners often season food automatically without considering it rude or presumptuous. Personal taste preferences trump concerns about offending the cook in most modern settings. The 1960s sensitivity about pre-tasting seasoning now seems overly concerned with appearances rather than individual preferences and actual taste.
17. Finger Bowls For Formal Hand Washing
Fancy 1960s California dinners sometimes featured small bowls of water with lemon slices for cleaning fingers between courses. Children encountering finger bowls for the first time often had no idea what to do with them. These formal touches separated elegant entertaining from everyday meals.
I remember my confusion at my first formal dinner when a small bowl appeared beside my plate. My mother had prepared me, explaining the proper way to dip fingertips and pat them dry on the napkin. Kids today would likely drink from them or ignore them completely.
Modern dining has largely eliminated finger bowls except at the most formal events. The practice now seems unnecessarily elaborate and old-fashioned for contemporary entertaining. The 1960s use of finger bowls represented a level of formality that has virtually disappeared from American dining culture.
18. Keep Still And Never Play With Utensils
Fidgeting, drumming fingers, or playing with silverware earned swift correction at 1960s dinner tables. Children were expected to sit still and remain composed throughout the entire meal. Restless behavior suggested poor discipline and lack of proper training from parents.
This expectation was particularly challenging for energetic kids who struggled with prolonged sitting. Parents viewed stillness as a teachable skill rather than an unreasonable demand. The dinner table became a training ground for self-control and appropriate public behavior.
Today’s understanding of child development recognizes that sitting perfectly still is difficult and sometimes impossible for young children. Many modern parents accept some fidgeting as normal rather than a behavioral problem.
19. Pass To The Right
In the 1960s, it was understood that all dishes had to be passed to the right, and no one ever questioned it. It felt like an unspoken command handed down through generations, and if you accidentally passed something to the left, the entire table would give you a disapproving glance.
My mom believed that passing to the correct side maintained order and prevented chaos at the table. Using the right direction was considered just as important as holding your fork correctly. When a dish came to you, it was your responsibility to pass it quickly and gracefully to the next person.
Nowadays, nobody worries about direction, and families often just reach across the table. Back then, however, the wrong pass was almost a social crime.
20. Seen And Not Heard
At our 1960s California table, children stayed silent unless spoken to. This rule was enforced as strictly as the “no elbows” policy. Conversation was reserved for adults, and kids could only respond when asked a direct question.
I remember counting the seconds in perfect silence, hoping my mom would ask me something just so I could say a single word. Parents believed that silence taught respect and listening skills.
Today, most children would erupt with chatter at the dinner table. In the ’60s, however, the rule was clear: you were present, but quiet.
21. Seconds After Everyone
No one was allowed a second helping until every person at the table had received their first portion. My brother always ate quickly, so he struggled to keep his hands off the mashed potatoes until Dad gave the go-ahead.
This rule existed to prevent greed and teach patience. My mom called it “proper fair behavior” and insisted that dinner was about equality at the table.
If anyone took seconds too early, it was considered selfish and rude. Today, family meals are much more relaxed, and people take as much as they want when they want. Back then, the pace of the meal was dictated by everyone, not just the fastest eater.
22. No Complaining About the Cook
In our 1960s household, voicing any negative opinion about the meal was a serious offense. Parents considered complaints about food a sign of ingratitude, especially since Mom spent hours in the kitchen.
If someone sighed in dissatisfaction, Mom would raise an eyebrow and Dad would demand, “Mind your manners.” Food was seen as effort, time, and love, and criticizing it was disrespectful to the cook. I remember once saying the meatloaf “tasted funny” and getting a sharp lecture on etiquette.
Today, parents generally accept children’s food preferences without issue. Back then, commenting negatively on a meal was almost sacrilegious.
23. Say Grace Before Meals
Even in households that weren’t strictly religious, saying a short prayer or giving thanks before dinner was customary in many 1960s California homes. In ours, Dad would bow his head briefly and offer a simple expression of gratitude, even on a regular Tuesday night.
This moment of silence and respect signaled that no one could touch their food until it was completed. As a child, it felt like it took forever, especially when the aroma of dinner was already torturing me. But my parents believed this ritual taught appreciation for food, family, and the home.
Today, this practice is rare except in traditional households. In the ’60s, even an ordinary meal began with a short word of thanks.
24. Special Cutlery Placement
In the 1960s, it wasn’t enough to simply stop eating — you had to show you were done. This was done by placing your knife and fork parallel on the plate, usually around the “four o’clock” position.
My mother taught me that leaving the utensils crossed meant I wasn’t finished, which she found unacceptable. For servers or hosts, the position of the utensils was a sign of proper behavior and table manners.
I remember practicing how to place my knife and fork correctly because Mom considered it as important as a neatly made bed. Today, most people leave their utensils however they like, without thinking about symbolism. Back then, even the end of a meal had its choreography.