10 Chain Restaurant Biscuits, Ranked From Meh To Magnificent

Biscuits are the underrated MVPs of fast food, the golden, buttery bites that turn a basic combo into full-blown comfort food bliss.

After years of taste-testing my way through America’s biggest chains (and shamelessly hoarding a few in my purse for late-night cravings), I’ve got opinions. Big ones. It’s time to rank the biscuits from forgettable to downright divine.

1. Cracker Barrel’s Dry Disappointments

Good grief, who left these hockey pucks in the oven overnight? Cracker Barrel’s biscuits might win awards for their ability to double as building materials.

Last time I visited, I nearly chipped a tooth on these parched, overcooked lumps. The flavor is as absent as moisture, a sad situation when butter just sits on top rather than melting in.

2. Wendy’s Grease Bombs

Surprise! Wendy’s makes biscuits, though perhaps they shouldn’t. These shortening-heavy pucks leave your fingers slick enough to shine bowling balls.

My napkin turned translucent after holding one for just thirty seconds. Beneath all that grease lurks a flavor that’s not terrible, just underwhelming, like a biscuit wearing too much makeup trying to hide its bland personality.

3. Burger King’s Identity Crisis Biscuits

Flaky? Yes. Actually a biscuit? Jury’s still out. Burger King’s attempt feels more like a confused croissant that took a wrong turn at the bakery.

These flat, fragile discs shatter into a million pieces the moment you bite in. My car still has crumbs from 2019 hiding in mysterious crevices! They’re not awful – just suffering from a severe lack of biscuit authenticity.

4. McDonald’s Middle-of-the-Road Offering

McDonald’s biscuits are the definition of “meh” – not terrible enough to complain about, not good enough to crave. The buttery crust deserves a golf clap at best.

Remember that C-student who never caused trouble but never impressed either? That’s this biscuit. I’ve eaten hundreds solely because they were there, not because they were special. Convenient mediocrity at its finest.

5. KFC’s Dense But Decent Attempt

Colonel Sanders might know chicken, but his biscuit game needs some workshopping. These dense pucks have a promising crisp edge that quickly gives way to disappointment.

Pull-apart layers? More like tear-with-all-your-might layers! I once watched my nephew use one as a frisbee – it flew surprisingly well. Still, slathered with honey and butter, they transform from merely acceptable to genuinely enjoyable.

6. Bojangles’ Cake-Like Contenders

Bojangles biscuits are the extroverts of the biscuit world – fluffy, a bit extra, and impossible to ignore. Their cake-like texture raises eyebrows among biscuit purists, but I’m here for the controversy.

Last summer, I drove 40 miles out of my way just to grab a bag. Yes, they sometimes cross the line into greasy territory, but their cloud-like interior makes up for this minor transgression.

7. Red Lobster’s Legendary Cheddar Bay Beauties

Not technically a breakfast biscuit, but who cares when they’re this magnificent? Red Lobster’s Cheddar Bay biscuits are the rockstars of the seafood world – upstaging even the actual lobster.

Garlic, cheese, and herbs join forces in these crispy-outside, moist-inside masterpieces. I’ve perfected the art of slipping these into my purse while waiters aren’t looking. Don’t judge until you’ve tried sneaking some home yourself!

8. Chick-fil-A’s Buttery Breakfast Champions

Chick-fil-A biscuits are the overachievers of the fast food world – consistently excellent without showing off. Their structural integrity deserves engineering awards; these babies can hold chicken, egg, AND cheese without disintegrating.

My Sunday mornings feel incomplete without them, which is ironic since that’s the one day I can’t have them! The buttery layers peel apart with satisfying ease, revealing a perfect canvas for honey or gravy.

9. Hardee’s Fresh-Baked Flavor Bombs

Hardee’s biscuits are the unsung heroes of breakfast – made fresh throughout the morning by actual humans, not machines! The flaky texture creates a perfect butter-delivery-system that puts most bakeries to shame.

Once at 6 AM, I watched a Hardee’s employee lovingly cutting dough through a drive-thru window. That dedication translates directly to flavor. These golden beauties are just one microscopic flaw away from perfection.

10. Popeyes’ Perfect Buttery Bliss

Bow down to the undisputed monarch of chain restaurant biscuits! Popeyes has achieved the holy trinity of biscuit perfection: buttery flavor, cloud-like fluffiness, and ideal structural integrity.

I once drove three hours in a snowstorm just to satisfy my Popeyes biscuit craving. Worth it! These golden miracles maintain their delicate interior while supporting the weight of toppings. If scientists could harness whatever makes these so perfect, world peace might follow.