3 Houston Buffets You Should Pass On & 3 That Smoke The Competition
Houston’s buffet scene is a wild rollercoaster of culinary hits and misses.
I’ve spent years stuffing my face at every all-you-can-eat spot in the city, and boy, do I have some stories to tell.
From questionable steam tables to Brazilian meat paradise, here’s my brutally honest guide to where you should load your plate and where you should run for the hills.
1. East Star Buffet: Seafood Roulette
Gambling addicts might get a thrill from East Star’s seafood section, you never know what you’re gonna get! The crab legs look like they crawled there from the Gulf themselves, took one look around, and promptly gave up on life. Not a good sign.
Sushi rolls sit sweating under bright lights, their rice gradually transforming into a substance scientists should study. The hot food section features an impressive array of unidentifiable fried things – is that chicken? Fish? An old sneaker? The mystery is part of the experience!
My favorite moment was watching a staff member refill the lo mein with fresh noodles directly on top of the three-hour-old batch underneath. Talk about layered flavors! Your digestive system will remember this adventure long after your wallet has forgotten the savings.
2. Hibachi Grill & Supreme Buffet: Supreme Disappointment
The “Supreme” in their name must be ironic. This place boasts 200+ items, but quantity and quality are having a serious breakup here. The hibachi grill chef looks as enthusiastic as someone waiting at the DMV.
Their sushi section features rolls with fish so mysterious it could qualify for cryptozoology studies. The hibachi vegetables have the distinct texture of having been frozen, thawed, refrozen, and thawed again – possibly several times since Obama’s first term.
The ice cream machine was working (miracle!) but dispensed something with the consistency of melted plastic. A kid next to me dropped his on the floor, and I swear it bounced. When a 7-year-old gives a dessert the side-eye, you know something’s seriously wrong. Save your money and your digestive system for literally anywhere else.
3. Chama Gaúcha Brazilian Steakhouse: Meat Paradise Found
Holy smoked brisket, Batman! Chama Gaúcha doesn’t mess around with their meat parade. The moment you flip that card to green, you’re essentially signaling gauchos to start a delicious carnivore’s carnival at your table.
The picanha (top sirloin) arrives with a perfect salt crust that makes taste buds stand up and salute. Unlike those buffet nightmares where meat sits under heat lamps until it resembles shoe leather, everything here is carved tableside, fresh off skewers that were rotating over open flames moments earlier.
Their salad bar isn’t an afterthought either – it’s a legitimately impressive spread that would stand alone as a great buffet. The warm cheese bread (pão de queijo) is addictive enough to warrant its own support group. Come hungry, wear stretchy pants, and prepare for meat sweats of the most satisfying kind.
4. Fogo de Chão: The Meat Marathon Champion
Forget everything you know about pacing yourself – Fogo de Chão will test your stomach’s endurance in the most delicious way possible. The moment you sit down, you’re handed a little disc that’s basically a meat traffic light. Green means “bring on the protein parade” and red means “mercy, please, I need a timeout.”
Gaucho chefs slice ribbons of filet mignon, lamb chops, and chicken directly onto your plate. The beef ribs fall apart with a gentle nudge from your fork, and the garlic sirloin should be illegal in at least seven states. Their “market table” puts ordinary salad bars to shame with imported cheeses and charcuterie.
Pro tip: skip lunch entirely before coming here. Maybe breakfast too. Their signature caipirinha cocktails cut through the richness perfectly, though after your third, you’ll be flipping that disc to green even when your belt suggests otherwise.
5. KP’s Kitchen: Buffet Brunch Revolution
Whoever said “buffet” and “gourmet” couldn’t coexist clearly hasn’t been to KP’s weekend brunch spread. This place flips the script on all-you-can-eat stigmas with food that actually looks like someone’s grandmother (with serious culinary skills) made it.
The fried chicken and waffles station changed my religion. Crispy outside, juicy inside, and served with real maple syrup that wasn’t manufactured in a lab. Their eggs Benedict doesn’t suffer from the tragic heat-lamp hollandaise syndrome – it’s made fresh and actually tastes like butter and lemon instead of yellow wallpaper paste.
Even the fruit display looks like it was arranged by someone who cares, not just dumped from a bag. The mimosa bar lets you play mixologist with various juices and fresh berries. KP’s proves that quantity and quality can coexist in the buffet world, and my stretchy pants and I couldn’t be happier about this development.
6. Dimassi’s Mediterranean Buffet: Fresh Factor Champion
Mediterranean food is either done right or terribly wrong – there’s no middle ground. Thankfully, Dimassi’s lands firmly in the “chef’s kiss” territory. Their hummus doesn’t come from industrial tubs – it’s made in-house and has that perfect lemony tang that makes you want to bathe in it (just me?).
The shawarma rotates hypnotically, dripping with juices that get captured in the rice below. Genius move. Their tabbouleh actually has more parsley than bulgur, as the food gods intended. Even their pita bread arrives at your table warm and puffy, like little edible pillows from heaven.
Vegetarians won’t feel like second-class citizens here – the mujadara, stuffed grape leaves, and baba ganoush are given as much attention as the meat options. The baklava has the perfect honey-to-phyllo ratio that prevents that too-sweet sugar headache. Mediterranean buffets often cut corners, but Dimassi’s proves that fresh, authentic flavors can thrive in the all-you-can-eat format.