8 Vintage Candies We Wish We’d Never Tried & 8 We Would Love To Enjoy Again
Remember those colorful candy counters from childhood? The ones where a quarter could buy you a handful of sweet treasures? Not all vintage candies deserve the same nostalgic love, though.
While some treats still haunt our taste buds with cravings, others are rightfully forgotten. Let’s unwrap memories and separate the forgettable flops from the comeback-worthy classics!
1. Circus Peanuts
Orange foam abominations that defy both physics and flavor logic! These banana-flavored peanut-shaped monstrosities have the texture of stale marshmallows and the appeal of edible packing material.
I still remember my grandfather keeping these in a candy dish, where they’d mysteriously grow harder over time—possibly fossilizing.
The worst part? They’re technically still available, lurking in convenience stores, waiting to disappoint a new generation.
2. Necco Wafers
Chalk discs masquerading as candy! These pastel-colored tablets were like eating sweetened aspirin or antacids. The flavors ranged from vaguely identifiable to completely mysterious, with textures that left your mouth feeling like you’d licked a dusty blackboard.
Despite their century-long history, these communion wafer lookalikes earned their reputation as Halloween handouts that went straight to the trash. Their 2018 discontinuation sparked more relief than protest.
3. Bit-O-Honey
These honey-flavored taffy squares were less a treat and more an endurance challenge. The jaw-breaking chewiness could keep you occupied for hours—or until you gave up and spat it out.
The flavor wasn’t terrible, but the risk-to-reward ratio made no sense. Why spend 20 minutes fighting with a candy that might yank out a filling when you could enjoy literally anything else?
Some vintage candies were discontinued for a reason—this one’s still hanging on.
4. Chick-O-Stick
Crumbly peanut butter logs covered in coconut that shed everywhere like a sugary dandruff! The moment you unwrapped one, it exploded into sticky orange fragments that found their way into every crevice of your clothing, car, and dignity.
The flavor wasn’t half bad—like a Butterfinger without chocolate—but the structural integrity issues made them more frustrating than fun.
Every bite sent shrapnel flying, leaving you with sticky fingers and a trail of evidence.
5. Wax Bottles
Tiny, colored sugar water trapped in flavorless wax prisons! These bizarre concoctions offered approximately three drops of sickeningly sweet liquid as a reward for chewing through a petroleum product.
My cousins and I would spend summers comparing which colors tasted best, though honestly, they all tasted like liquid disappointment.
The experience was less about enjoying candy and more about the strange ritual of biting off the tops and wondering if wax was actually edible.
6. Satellite Wafers
Flying saucer-shaped disappointments filled with flavorless candy beads! These weird UFO-shaped wafers contained what might be the least flavorful sprinkles ever created, encased in edible paper that dissolved into a paste on your tongue.
The novelty factor wore off after exactly one bite. The texture combination—styrofoam-like shell meeting crunchy, tasteless pellets—created an eating experience that no one actually enjoyed.
Even aliens would reject these strange concoctions.
7. Licorice Allsorts
These colorful geometric candies combined the polarizing flavor of black licorice with coconut, anise, and various mystery elements into visually striking but culinarily questionable combinations.
The black and pink layered ones were particularly deceptive—looking like cute cake slices but delivering a punch of anise that made children question the trustworthiness of candy itself.
Great for decorating gingerbread houses, terrible for actually eating.
8. Sen-Sen
Breath mints that smelled like your great-grandmother’s purse! Sen-Sens packed an overwhelming punch of licorice, anise, and what can only be described as “old-timey pharmacy smell.”
My grandfather kept these in his pocket, and I made the mistake of trying one when I was eight. The flavor was so intense it felt like a punishment, not a treat.
Sen-Sen wasn’t so much candy as it was a bizarre olfactory time machine to an era when people thought strong herbal scents masked smoking habits.
9. Candies That Deserve a Comeback: Marathon Bar
The glorious braided caramel-chocolate rope that took forever to eat! This foot-long twisted chocolate bar was discontinued in the 1980s, leaving a caramel-shaped hole in candy lovers’ hearts that nothing has properly filled since.
The Marathon’s appeal wasn’t just its impressive length but the satisfying way you could unravel it as you ate. Modern candy bars seem downright miniature in comparison.
Mars released the similar-but-different Curly Wurly in the UK, but nothing matches the original Marathon’s perfect chocolate-to-caramel ratio.
10. Candies That Deserve a Comeback: Bonkers!
Fruit-filled chewy candy that actually lived up to its wildly enthusiastic commercials! Bonkers featured a soft fruity outside with an even fruitier filling that exploded with flavor. The texture combination was nothing short of revolutionary.
I’d beg my mom to buy these whenever we went grocery shopping in the late ’80s. The commercials—where furniture would literally slam into people after tasting Bonkers—weren’t exaggerating.
These flavor bombs would absolutely knock your taste buds sideways, especially the watermelon and grape varieties.
11. Candies That Deserve a Comeback: Bar None
Chocolate wafer perfection that Hershey’s cruelly took from us! This sophisticated candy bar combined chocolate wafers, chocolate cream, peanuts, and a chocolate coating into what might have been the perfect textural experience.
Originally released in 1987, Bar None developed a passionate following before being discontinued in the early 2000s. Hershey’s briefly reintroduced a modified version, but it wasn’t the same.
The original’s perfect balance of crunch and creaminess remains unmatched in today’s candy landscape.
12. Candies That Deserve a Comeback: Reggie! Bar
This circular candy featured a perfect storm of peanuts, caramel, and milk chocolate, created to honor Yankees star Reggie Jackson. The candy was as much of a home run as its namesake.
Released after Jackson’s three-homer World Series game in 1977, these became instant classics. When I found an old-stock Reggie! Bar at a vintage candy shop in 2010, I nearly wept with joy.
Modern sports-themed candies pale in comparison to this perfect combination of celebrity endorsement and genuinely delicious ingredients.
13. Candies That Deserve a Comeback: PB Max
Peanut butter cookie perfection that Mars discontinued despite $50 million in sales! This square treat layered peanut butter and oat cookie under milk chocolate, creating a sophisticated flavor profile that made Reese’s seem one-dimensional.
Urban legend claims the Mars family discontinued it in the 1990s because they personally disliked peanut butter. If true, it’s the greatest candy injustice in history.
Nothing on today’s shelves combines that perfect cookie crunch with creamy peanut butter and quality chocolate coating.
14. Candies That Deserve a Comeback: Seven Up Bar
Seven Up Bar contained seven distinct filled sections, each with different flavors like cherry, coconut, and caramel—essentially seven mini candy experiences in one package.
Long before variety packs became trendy, the Seven Up Bar (unrelated to the soda) offered multiple flavor experiences in a single purchase. Discontinued in 1979, its concept lives on in modern segmented chocolates, but none capture the charming variety and quality of the original.
It was the candy equivalent of a chocolate box.
15. Candies That Deserve a Comeback: Chocolate Cigarettes
Delicious chocolate sticks wrapped in paper that deserve a politically-correct rebranding! Unlike their chalky counterparts, these were actually tasty chocolate treats that happened to be shaped like cigarettes—complete with red tips and paper wrappers you could blow through.
The problematic packaging aside, the chocolate quality was surprisingly good. I remember the rich cocoa flavor being genuinely satisfying. With updated packaging as “chocolate sticks” or “cocoa wands,” these delights could make a comeback without the questionable smoking association.
16. Candies That Deserve a Comeback: Wonka Bar
The real-life version of fiction’s most famous chocolate! These delightful creations from Nestlé brought Roald Dahl’s imagination to life with graham cracker pieces embedded in smooth milk chocolate, sometimes with additional surprises inside.
Having a Wonka Bar in your lunchbox was like carrying a piece of literary magic. The last iteration disappeared in 2010, though Nestlé occasionally releases limited editions.
What the world needs is a permanent Wonka Bar—one worthy of Dahl’s imagination but without the questionable labor practices of fictional Oompa Loompas.